


Everything I Wish I Could Say To You

by zams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Post Avengers (Movie), Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 14:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zams/pseuds/zams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>When they fall into bed together, Steve assumes that Tony only wants a one-off and tries to sneak out when Tony's sleeping, attempting to ignore his aching heart. Tony, of course, has something to say about that.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Wish I Could Say To You

**Author's Note:**

> Just some deliciously angsty schmoop on this Friday afternoon. ♥

+++

"Steve?"

Steve cringes when he hears Tony's sleepy voice, and he freezes where he's perched on the edge of the bed. He wanted to avoid waking Tony and tried to be as quiet as possible, but he apparently wasn't quiet enough. He didn't even mean to fall asleep in Tony's bed after they were finished in the first place, and now he's going to make Tony even more uncomfortable.

Tony yawns and Steve hears the sheets rustling like Tony's sitting up. Steve doesn't turn around, mind racing as he tries to think of how he's going to get out of this mess with the least amount of damage to his friendship with Tony, since this is all Steve's fault to begin with. _He's_ the one who couldn't keep his hands to himself. Tony flirts with everyone; it's not like Tony meant it as anything more than a little harmless fun. And Steve knew that, he really did, but after weeks of being the object of Tony's flirtation finally was too much for Steve to take. Before he could recoil from just the thought of it, Steve was leaning forward and pressing his lips to Tony's, everything coming to a screeching halt as Steve finally found out what Tony's lips felt like on his own.

Steve enjoyed it for all of two seconds before the blood rushed out of his ringing ears and realization of what he was doing set in. He went to pull away, knowing he must have been blushing horribly and fully set on stammering out an apology before making a hasty retreat, but Tony wouldn't let him. One of Tony's hands fisted tightly in Steve's shirt and Tony moved even closer, aligning their bodies, and Steve felt Tony's tongue, sinfully wet and insistent, pushing against his mouth. Steve opened his mouth without conscious thought, and then his mind went blank, overwhelmed by the deeper kiss and feeling the heat of Tony's body so close to his.

Steve really should have said "no" when Tony parted their mouths long enough to pant, "Bed?" but his brain was mush and his erection was demanding more, and Steve was nodding and breathing, "Yes," before he could bite the words back. He knew it was a bad idea then, rushing into something like that with Tony given Steve's inconvenient growing feelings, but just the brief taste of what Steve had been longing for, for months was too addicting for Steve to resist and listen to his common sense. After Steve's capitulation, the next hour was a blur of hands and tongues and heat and tightness that sent Steve's senses whirling into oblivion and his heart plummeting straight into love. It was more than Steve ever could have imagined, and even now, just hours after sating his desire, Steve already wants to do it again, to cover Tony's body with his own so Steve can show him the proof of his love, even though he knows that will not happen a second time.

"Steve?" Tony says again, and Steve wonders how long he was silent and lost in remembrance because Tony sounds confused. "Are you leaving?"

The words are like a knife in Steve's heart, and hearing the confirmation of everything Steve knew finally kills the hope Steve pretended he didn't carry hidden in his heart. "I-" Steve has to swallow, feeling something, a sob maybe, build up in his throat. He pushes it back. "I'll just… be a second."

That's all Steve needs, a second or maybe two to bury the hurt deep enough so that he has the strength to stand up and walk out of Tony's room without completely breaking down and embarrassing himself more than he already has with his eager response to Tony's offer. The sheets rustle again, and Steve flinches when Tony presses against his back and slides both arms around him. Steve's stomach muscles contract involuntarily from feeling Tony's fingers splay over them, and his heart aches even more from Tony's other hand lying over it.

"What's wrong?" Tony's voice is quiet and worried in Steve's ear, and while Steve understands the concern – if Steve's learned any absolute truth about Tony in the months they've been friends, it's that Tony cares about all the Avengers, more than he'd admit without alcohol – but Steve has no idea why Tony's showing his concern this way, so intimately and tenderly. "You sound… off."

It's hard to breathe, but Steve manages it somehow. "I'm fine." The words don't sound as sure and confident as Steve wanted, but at least they aren’t shaky. Gathering all his courage, Steve goes to stand up, and just like before, Tony doesn't let him, his embrace tightening. Of course, Steve could break Tony's hold, but that implies that Steve has the emotional strength to do so and right now he just doesn't.

"Now why do I think you're lying to me, Cap?" Tony says, and Steve screws his eyes shut, a new wave of pain washing over him. Does Tony really want Steve to say it, to give the words the power to hurt Steve in all new ways?

Quicker than Steve would have thought, Tony moves from behind Steve and swings a leg over Steve's thighs, sitting down on his lap. Steve keeps his eyes shut, breath like frozen clouds in his lungs. He's glad it's dark in Tony's room; he doesn't want to make it easy for Tony to read all the things he wants to hide on his face. Steve feels wrung out, vulnerable and exposed from the pain in his heart and the wonderful but tortuous sensation of having Tony's naked body against his one last time.

"Cap. Steve." Tony's fingers comb through his hair, and still Steve keeps his eyes closed. He jerks minutely when Tony kisses one cheek, whisper soft, and then the other, more kisses placed under both eyes and finally on his lips, which Steve can feel are trembling. Steve's hands ball into fists where they're lying on the bed, fingers itching to touch Tony, to hold him.

"Steve, I know what you're thinking," Tony says, still quiet, and Steve believes him – Tony's not called a genius for nothing, after all. Steve's not sure if that makes this infinitely strange rejection more painful or not.

"But you're wrong," Tony goes on, and now he sounds more insistent, his voice stronger and firmer than before.

It compels Steve to open his eyes, and when he meets Tony's intent and serious gaze, Steve's breath catches in his throat. Tony's never looked at him like this before, like Steve is something precious and vital to him, like Tony loves him, too. Tony maintains eye contact, but he doesn't say anything, and Steve can't find any words either. Hope bursts into new life in Steve, and he starts to wonder if he misjudged Tony, jumped to easy conclusions to preemptively protect his heart.

Finally, Steve finds his voice and all he can do is murmur, "Tony." He lets his fingers unclench, blood rushing swiftly and painfully back into them, and slowly raises his arms, settling his hands on Tony's hips.

Tony smiles at him, a soft, small smile that Steve's only seen rarely, mostly directed at Pepper when Tony doesn't think anyone is watching, and suddenly it's easier for Steve to breathe as the suffocating weight that's been on his chest disappears. Tony leans forward and wraps Steve in a hug, Tony's hair and scent tickling Steve's nose.

"There's no reason to assume the worst, Cap," Tony says into Steve's ear. "I'm a little crazy about you, if you haven't noticed. Actually a lot."

Steve gasps at the words and his fingers dig into Tony's hips. Tony's lips brush the shell of his ear, and Steve's heart starts beating faster as the implications of Tony's words register in his mind.

"I want you, Steve," Tony says, and then he draws back so he can look at Steve's face, "in my bed, in me, and in my heart tonight, and tomorrow night, and for as long as you can stand."

Steve can barely believe the passionate words coming from Tony, stunned at how open Tony's being with his feelings. Steve's mouth works, but no sounds come out. What can he say in response to that declaration? There's so much inside him that he wants to say to promise to Tony that Steve wants him just as much and forever, but nothing seems adequate.

Still, his feelings must show on his face because Tony smirks a few moments later, looking extremely pleased with himself. He rocks on Steve's lap, bringing their bare groins into close contact, and Steve sucks in a breath, an immediate spark of arousal shooting up his spine.

"I think you want me, too," Tony says, still smirking. "Don't you, Cap?"

Steve just nods, a little more frantically than he was intending, but Tony rewards him with another rock that pushes their groins together again, and Steve can't be bothered to care if he seems a bit desperate. Tony seems satisfied with the quiet moan he causes Steve to let out and he leans forward, kissing Steve. Steve immediately melts into it, locking his arms around Tony, intent on kissing away any doubt Tony may have that Steve wants him and loves him since he couldn't say anything. He pushes his hips up, grinding his erection against Tony, and Tony's answering groan only fuels Steve's desire.

Everything about Tony makes Steve dizzy: the feel, the smell, the taste of him; Steve cannot get enough, and the brief taste of earlier only whetted his appetite. Steve moves them, Tony easily letting Steve do what he wants, and Steve blankets Tony's body with his own, allowing some of his weight to press down on Tony. Keeping their mouths together, one kiss turning into another and another, Steve rubs against Tony, desperate to feel Tony come apart beneath him. Right now, this is exactly what Steve wants to feel, hot skin pressed together from shoulders to feet, breaths mingled as they suck in air between kisses, friction from their cocks sliding together.

Steve can't hold back for long, too worked up and too overwhelmed from the heady knowledge that Tony reciprocates his feelings, and he comes first, biting on Tony's bottom lip as pleasure burns through his body. Tony's fingers dig into Steve's back as Tony holds him, and just when Steve's coming down from his high, Tony pushes up sharply, once, twice into Steve's stomach and comes too, the heat spilling out over Steve's belly a decadent sensation that makes Steve wants to feel again and again.

Tony relaxes into the bed when their lips finally part, and Steve follows him down with a contended sigh, rolling on his side so he doesn't smother Tony. A little cautiously, Steve still coming to terms with Tony's confession, Steve lays his hand on Tony's chest, near the arc reactor. When Tony takes Steve's hand into his own, linking their fingers together, Steve can't stop a smile from breaking out.

"Well, Cap," Tony says cheerfully, "you sure know how to get a man worked up and worked out."

Steve feels himself blush. Tony's probably exaggerating a bit as he always does, but Steve hears the sincerity that colors the words, and so he doesn’t mind a little teasing. In fact, Steve finds himself comfortable enough to say, "I like working you out," almost scandalized by his own nerve, but Tony just laughs, sounding happy.

"Let me sleep for a while and I'll let you work me out again," Tony promises, and Steve has to kiss him.

Tony hums into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Steve. It feels so good, so right to be with Tony this way, and Steve never wants it to end. When Steve finally lets Tony's swollen lips go, Steve stares into Tony's eyes and smiles, so happy and content that it feels as if his chest is going to burst with all the emotion he's experiencing. Still looking at him in the tender, soft way that makes Steve's heart pound, Tony tilts his head up to give Steve a lingering, chaste kiss, and when he pulls back, the familiar cocky attitude is back.

"Now that you've had your way with me again, you gonna clean me up so I can get some sleep?" Tony asks pointedly, eyes briefly dropping down to their groins.

Steve's in too good a mood to take offense to Tony's entitled tone, and grabs a tissue from the bedside table, dutifully cleaning both their stomachs. After that, Steve drapes himself over Tony, careful not to put pressure on the arc reactor. He can't help nuzzling a bit into Tony's neck, breathing in his scent, letting it relax him. Something about bearing near Tony just makes every tension in Steve's body loosen up and unwind.

"Comfortable?" Tony asks as he starts running his fingers up and down Steve's spine, and Steve just murmurs a confirmation, not intending to move the rest of the night. He wants to fall asleep with Tony at every night and wake up tangled with him each morning. The amazing thing is that he _can_ now, and the words he wasn't going to say suddenly won't be denied. "I love you," he whispers, half hoping Tony won't hear them as soon as they leave his mouth.

But Tony does hear him because his fingers stop stroking, and when several moments pass, Tony silent and unmoving, anxiety starts to build in Steve, afraid he's messed up things between them already.

"Love you, too," Tony unexpectedly says, the confession barely audible, and he resumes stroking Steve's back.

Surprised but undeniably happy, Steve basks in the knowledge that Tony loves him too, his eyes closing. Tony probably won't say the words much, but Steve doesn’t need to hear them often, not as long as Steve can feel Tony's love in his touch, taste it in his kiss, hear it in Tony's teasing, and so Steve just says, "Goodnight," and kisses Tony's collarbone.

There's a heartbeat of silence before Tony says, "Good _night_ , Cap."

Steve just smiles.

**END**


End file.
